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SSA Blog #65
By Michelle
Drew April 11 2006
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About
our Sponsors...
I
come to the SSA column more often than anyone, and for many
reasons. The most obvious is that I write the column. Anoother reason
that I visit frequently is to view and try out our sponsors. The
program we use for ads is Google. While I am not a fan of advertising
per se, I have come to realize that I simply could not afford to
spponsor this website myself. Given that it was ncessary to use
advertising, I am relying on Google to have good ads to my readers. So
of course I click often and visit the sponsors. What I have found, much
to my own surprise, that there are services and products that I have
found and used here on the SSA site. I do keep an eye out, but if there
are ads that you find disturbing, please let me know. At the moment,
only ads for tobacco products are blocked, and I am not seeing a
problem there.
SO....Given
all that, do click on a sponsor ad. Internet services, and marketing on
the internet is the newest success and the way of the future.
Some great information and products are out there for YOU...
A Word
from Michelle...
Sometimes,
unexpectedly, a fairly mundane task can lead to a nostalgic moment.
Earlier today, while searching my files for something unrelated, I came
upon the following email. It had been sent by my friend Bobbie, on Oct.
7, 2003. I thought it was cute clean fun, and maybe I would use it one
day in this column. Bobbie passed away on May 30 2005 after a brave
battle with lung cancer. She was 77 years old. Bobbie was the kind of
friend that made you believe in yourself. She made you feel cherished.
And she did that for many people.
Today
when I came upon these simple jokes, I remember with great love, my
friend Bobbie....
1. Two
peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.
2. A jumper
cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."
3. A
sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve food in here."
4. A
dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man
walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says, "A beer please...and one for the road."
6. Two
antennas meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant.
7. Two
cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this
taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I
can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it
common?"
"It's not
unusual."
9. Two cows
are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't
believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true,
no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
10. An
invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.
11. Two
hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first
replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
12. Deja
Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
13. A man
takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," says
the vet, "let's have a look at him."
So, he picks
the dog up, examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What?! Just
because he's cross-eyed?!?"
"No, because
he's really, really heavy!!"
14.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or
my dad...or, maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha
Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
15. I went
to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.
16. I went
to the butchers the other day and I bet him 5 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."
17. A man
regained consciousness in the hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor
replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".
18. I went
to a seafood disco rave last week..and pulled a mussel.
19. Two
Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank....proving once and for all that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
20. A man
walks into a doctor's office.
"What seems
to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's...
um... well... I have five penises" replies the man.
"Good God!"
exclaims the doctor, "How do your trousers fit??" "Like a
glove", smile the man.
21. What do
you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
22. Two
termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here?"
23. A drunk
walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he says.
All
Good Thoughts
Destiny is not
a matter of chance, it is a matter
of choice; it
is not a thing to be waited for, it
is a thing to
be achieved.
William
Jennings Bryan
It is not in
the stars to hold our destiny but
in ourselves.
William
Shakespeare
What helps
luck is a habit of watching for opportunities, of having a
patient, but
restless mind, of sacrificing one's ease or vanity, of
uniting a love
of detail to foresight, and of passing through hard
times bravely
and cheerfully.
Charles Victor
Cherbuliez
