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I am a friendly, attractive, happily married 25 year old and work as

a receptionist in a company that employs mainly men. I have been

learning to deal with inappropriate comments, jokes and flirtation

from my male co-workers. One particular lady in the office enjoys

the attention of the men, is sleeping with one of them, and

encourages the atmosphere of intense flirting and joking around about

sex. The vast majority of the time, the guys are good natured and

friendly, but after several months of dealing with verbal harassment

from one man in particular, I came forward to my boss with a formal

complaint. The man was very sorry and apologized to me, but continued

to hang around my desk against the orders of my boss. I told my boss

and he clarified himself to the man to stay the hell away from me and

give me space. My nerves were shot and I had become fearful for my

safety. I had never dealt with a situation like this before.

Now that a couple of months have passed, I feel that my emotions ran

away with me. The man was not dangerous, just clueless about how to

talk to and treat a lady. I had scolded him a few times about how he

was speaking to me, but only really confronted him the day before I

went to my boss. I never really gave him a chance to shape-up. The

situation freaked me out and I was left speechless most of the time.

Maybe the man would have stopped if I would have just screamed at him

or something. Now the guy avoids me like the plague and I feel guilty

for perhaps overreacting. I try to be everyone's friend and want

to "bury the hachet" with this guy, but don't want to go to my boss

and stir up the whole thing again. I am proud for standing up for

myself, but in reality, my boss is the one who stood up for me. What

should I do? What should I learn from this?

Violated and Embarrassed Receptionist

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Receptionist;

You stood up for yourself and stopped the harrassment. Sexual harrassment
in itself is a big problem, and in some places, even a crime. While you may
now regret that you went to your boss, I suspect that your guts guided you
to do the right thing. This guy was out of line. He frightened you and made
you very uncomfortable in your work place. Whether or not you intended to,
it sounds like you taught him a valuable lesson.

While you are want things to return "to normal", you need to realize that
you can not go back in time. In fact, I don't think you over reacted at all.
You can't read this guy's mind or intentions. If he was confused about
how to treat women, approaching him will only confuse him further.

Keep your distance. Let this guy learn HIS lesson. You can not have
everyone as your friend. There are some people who you should not
have as friends. He is a co-worker. Treat him in a professional
manner as you do all of your co-workers.

Sometimes setting limits, whether through your boss, or directly, may
not make you popular. You should have a work place in which you
feel comfortable. You may find that in time, your co-workers have
a sense of respect for you. Don't doubt yourself. Leave this guy
alone and let him leave you alone too. Time to move on.

Michelle

All Good Thoughts

A single conversation across the table with a wise man

is worth a month's study of books.

Chinese Proverb

He is lifeless that is faultless.
English Proverb

One should go invited to a friend in good fortune, and uninvited in misfortune.
Swedish Proverb

He who has once burnt his mouth always blows his soup.
German Proverb

A little help is better than a lot of pity.
Celtic Proverb

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